Z is my best friend. Well, she's actually an A or N but I call her Z most of the time.

She thinks she's worthless. She thinks that I should just neglect her. She says we're getting distant.

Well, I say, you are not worthless. You mean so much to me and it fucking saddens me that you dont believe me when I see that you're a part of my life that I appreciate very so. You want me to neglect you? Nope. No way. Not a chance.

Ohh, wait. So now you're thinking, "ugh, she's just doing this because of sympathy. once i'm better, she'll probably leave me." Well, if you really did think that, I say, how dare you. I was your best friend before I knew about you going through all of this and I'm still going to be your best friend even after all of this ends.

We're getting distant. We're getting distant. We're getting d i s t a n t, she says. Were we ever that physically close to each other anyways? If you're talking about the lack of skype calls or chatting etc. nowadays, then you've gotta stop thinking that those are the things that connect our friendship. That without it, we aren't best friends or never would have been. They've just helped us. But they weren't the ones who gave birth to our friendship. I'm sure that we were bound to best friends in one way or another. You should know, that although you might not, but I think a lot about you as a best friend.

You aren't worthless. You aren't someone that I can just neglect. We're not getting distant. It's just that we are not as close as we would like to be. Yet.

The reason why? Well, I've figured it out long enough. Because you still haven't completely opened up to me. It's always me the one who's talking. Always me interrupting. Always me who starts a new topic. So, you think you're boring? Or maybe, you think that I think that you're boring? Nope. Wrong answer again.

Like I said, you have lack of response. Just because you still keep your guard around me. You've told me some of your deepest secrets, and I don't know, I try hard enough not to, but I guess I've failed. I mean, I try not to do those cliche "nice" friend thingies. But you know, it's just so hard when you know to make a person feel better is sometimes by saying no words at all and instead just holding her and letting her know that she's safe and that you care about her because you really do. That she shouldn't give up.

But the restriction of that "long-distance" friendship is getting in of the way.

And that's why I'm anticipating so much. That when we finally get out of school or something, and we get to meet each other a lot more often, and we'll become so much closer and you'll finally be able to tell me everything without me pestering you about it first. I try so hard to become a person for you to rely on, but I understand that it might not be that time just yet. Not just yet.

I'm sure we will be,
Okay.

I love you so much, Z. And I'm missing the full potential of our friendship that I know we will get. I'm not mad at you, Zoe.

But I know there's still a lot of hope for you. You might not feel it because you just don't want to care anymore. But there is. I promise. Allah has promised you that. There's a reason why Allah is still letting you live. It's because He's giving you a chance. And you know, He's always listening and He also loves you.

"Disappointment is a normal thing, but giving up is a sin."

Don't take that quote as a form of pressure. Take it lightly and try to learn from it.

It's okay if you don't wanna tell me everything now. As long as we can still hold on to each other and can help guide one another. Because we all have an aim in life. You just haven't recognized it yet. I promise you, you will.

I miss you, Zoe. I'll be waiting for that "time 'til forever" to happen.
May Allah always guard you. Ameen.

P/s: everything I say here is sincereand from the bottom pit of my deep deeeep heart. and a tip to becoming happy, you have to be more appreciating and accepting. stop narrowing your mind! we can do this, zoe! we can get through this!